Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
