She's JV to your varsity
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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