I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
