So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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