ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
