a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
