I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
