how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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