Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm just crazy horny about you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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