well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
