R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
