This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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