yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
