barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
