where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
