You're so nebulous sometimes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
