yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
