after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
