I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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