hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
