As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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