I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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