You're my little dorito
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
