there's paper in my vomit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
