And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
