Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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