i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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