Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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