I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
