So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
