I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
