Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
