I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
