Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
