So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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