I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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