Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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