i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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