"it" just moved
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
