why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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