I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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