Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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