p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
