The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize