Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
