Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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