home. puking in laundry basket.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
