Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
two words...techno handjob
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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