he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
