Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pooping to opera.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
