Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
