her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
