Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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