The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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