you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
