Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We named our party play list daddy issues
you traded sex for a burrito?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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