i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Houston, we have a blender
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
