She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
