I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
