is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize