you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
