I think scott just propositioned me for sex
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
there is glitter all over my balls
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
