I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
