when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were trust falling into bushes
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
