i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
