ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
