How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
