Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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