So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this beer tastes like vomit already
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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