I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
