Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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