I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
