I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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