This house was built for laser tag.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
