I'm drive I can fine osifer
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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