if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
