why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
