RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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